I've Had It With Sexism in Business: When Women 'Lean In,' Others Need to Listen Up

via Zieley Mag

I have had my ass grabbed in the workplace, which most agree is essentially wrong. Most people also agree with equal pay for equal work, no matter a person's gender. A big talking point this election year promotes extended family leave. In the meantime, women in business have been told to "Lean In" to get ahead.

Yet it is the indirect sexism in business, often by liberal leaning companies, that can be the most harmful to both the people involved and the work at hand. 

I have been VERY fortunate to experience minimal sexism in my music industry career. I do not see gender in the workplace, and I credit growing up as an athlete to be a considerable influence. If I could beat the boys in the pool, why would it be any different on land?

Sadly and recently, I have come across sexism that is not as blatantly illegal as getting my ass grabbed at work, but is sexism nonetheless. I run into it in meetings when people ask how we can get to someone in the industry. I respond by letting them know I have a great relationship with that person and I am happy to make that call. Yet the conversation keeps going, "But how do we 'GET' to that person!?!" Huh?

I suppose that is why Sheryl Sandberg, activist, author and Chief Operation Officer of Facebook, whom I admire from afar, has told us to "Lean In." But in reality I think the ones asking the questions need to "Listen Up" when women speak or give opinions in meetings and the workplace.

I recently told a colleague who I consider a more "educated" feminist than myself about this. She was a Women's Studies minor in college and is active in feminist groups. (A reminder for people who still fear the F-word, feminism merely means equality between the sexes, which we are all for, right?). My colleague said that feeling like my experiences, connections, and ideas sometimes fall on deaf ears in meetings was very common for women. Time and again she has witnessed women giving ideas in pitch meetings, but not getting credited for those ideas in the end. Alarmingly, many of those meetings occurred at companies which pride themselves with being warriors for social justice. The New York Times recently wrote about this phenomenon in academia as well.

I own an entertainment company, and last week I advocated for one of my artists. Even in this day of streaming doom and gloom, the artist makes significant income on his master recordings. A label wants half of that income in perpetuity for no advance when the artists paid for the recordings. They also refuse to have a direct to consumer sales portal available, despite being a new label in a very specific genre. It is still intellectually mind blowing to me to not collect data from willing fans who are customers, so labels and artists can sell music to them in the future. I wrote about this years ago.

Yet when I raised these points, instead of responding with any sort of business acumen, the label beelined to the artist to complain about his "condescending" manager's "tone." What? I have always reveled in business and intellectual debate. I find it unprofessional to be name called to a client in response for doing not only what is right for the artist, but frankly what makes sense. "Condescending" and "tone" are words rarely associated with my male counterparts.

When this was pointed out to the label, I was accused of being disrespectful to "actual victims of sexism."

So we can work towards paying women the same as men, we can give both men and women time off when they have children. We can ensure situations are free from gender-based stereotypes, violence, and harassment, which is all clearly important!

But if we truly want equality and wish to help women in the workplace, when they do "Lean In" with ideas, listen up! And give them FULL credit for their work. Before you speak with a woman to discuss her tone, think twice. Would you have this conversation with a man in the workplace? Are you disconcerted by women standing up intellectually in thought provoking ways? Do you respond the same way to women as you do when men push back in a negotiation?

I want to be paid the same as my male peers and I look forward to that day. So as we work towards equal pay for equal work and ensuring others commensurate opportunities, in the meantime, can we treat each other fairly? Listen to the ideas of each person? Give credit where credit is due? Eliminate the word "tone" altogether? That is the world and business culture I want to live and work in.